Soulmates

 

He met me at the food truck.  We didnt know much about each other but I needed him and he needed me.  We talked and talked and talked.   Then we went swimming in the pool…it was good for us.  As we sat on the picnic tables outside the pool we found out we were born one day and three years apart.  A star buddy!

He was at my house the next day and we talked and talked and talked.  Then I said we should go jump in bed and we did.  He was good.  So good.  So energetic and smart about how to make a woman orgasm.  Fingers.  Golden fingers.  His other equipment was old and he had lots of scars but he sure enjoyed me and it was nice and easy with our favorite Old Blues playing in the background.  Heaven.

We have both been through so much and I have learned from him that the Blues help.  I thought only cable tv could numb me out but it turns out listening to the Blues is just what I needed.  We took a walk and that was good too.  Then I went to my house and he was in his house.  That is always nice when you have a place to retreat to and remember who you are alone.  His wife died two years ago.  He is a Viet Vet.  Not easy.

So I have a soulmate.  He seems familiar.  Someone from the Universe to ease my spirit.   Just what I needed.  What the future brings I dont know but I sure had a couple nice days with him.   More to come except he is leaving for his house on the mainland soon and Ill miss him.  so it goes…He will be back. Life gets so complicated..   I sent him this photo…he’ll be back

Pathos

I hadn’t heard from him in awhile.  Finally an email came…he had been in the hospital for a week but was back and stronger than ever.  I sent him lots of encouragement and xoxoxoxoxoxos.  We arranged to meet for lunch the next week.

He was waiting for me in the Hilton lobby.  Always reliable as he was a tour guide and he looked so hot.  So tall with his jacket slung over his shoulder.  He strode towards me like a male model.   That French Samoan body 6’3″ made me melt.  We collided like titans and kissed.  He is all muscle.  There is not a cuddle in him but his brown eyes melt and I know he is a softy inside.  He thrills me.

The restaurant was closed there so we had to go to another one and that was ok with me as I always wanted to sit on their lanai and look at the view of Hilo bay.  He was as in charge as always….”Go sit down .  Ill take care of this.”  We had to wait a few minutes and his long legs filled the bench.  We talked easily as we had on our last three dates.  He loves a classy restaurant and it was good for him to get out.

He was so thin.   After we settled in and he told me the whole story about being in training and not being able to eat except for power snacks every three hours he ordered fish and chips anyway…to please me.   Things have changed” he said.  I dont drink or smoke anymore.  I was proud of him.  Our other dates had been loaded to the hilt and I knew after the hospital he had to change or die.   He was so yellow now.  So yellow.

I had a vodka cranberry and he had a cranberry.   He said he didnt go to karaoke anymore as everyone was drinking there.  He was also not doing tours anymore.  He was going to hire drivers to take people around in his van.  He told me he would pay well and implied that i might like to be a tour guide…Not my thing tho.  He wants someone to work with him….help him…partner with him in these big business deals.  I cant do that.  I told him to get social security…he wont.

He is at least 75.  We talked about his dream to have a business selling protein powder and having videos of himself talking to seniors about his product and lifestyle.  Look at me….he wanted to say on tape….I am a great grandpa and I have all these muscles and stamina.  But he doesnt.  Oh he has muscles alright.  He is back at the gym just barely and he looks as hot as always but there is the hospital stay now and his passing out and his malnutrition and his poverty and his sadness that is all just below the surface.  Just below the surface.

We loved our time together.  There is a connection as he is June 6 and my dad’s birthday was June 7 and that is the opposite of me December 7…..it is in the stars that this fellow and I feel some sort of spark when we are together….no matter who he is.  …..   or how far he is falling.   I have been in a drift like this with a forty year old who was June 7 and I know the feeling….my heart aches to see the illusion they try to protect and the reality of complete defeat.

He finally told me he spends most of his time in bed researching his protein business and tour guide business.  I can tell he is falling  falling falling.  yellow like a leaf…falling into the decline of his life with no family or friends.   I took his had and looked him in the eye and asked him if he was sure he didnt want anything to do with his family.  Yes.  Yes.  No contact.  None.  He is going to drift away and some nurse in the hospital will be his last love.

We went down in the elevator together and I looked at how loose his pants were on his beautiful body.  We tower over everyone and are a splendid couple.  In the parking lot we parted and it breaks my heart to think of him.  He had lied to me and said he lived in a waterfront apartment but in reality now I see him in a small room downtown just hanging on by a thread, trying to feed himself and stay sober, trying to make a deal and being lost in a sea of online relationships.  He and I made it real and I value that.  The spark we had fueled me in spite of his dysfunction…..

I came home and stayed in bed a long long time.  I am an empath.  It hurts to take in someone’s pain and process it through my body but I know how to do that and I let his pathos in, rolled around in it and now I am off to lunch with a new fellow who contacted me the day of my last lunch with Volcano….Volcano…I will always remember him and maybe I will see him again.  He said he has my back if I ever need anything and I told him the same was for me to him.  That is where we left it.

The new fellow is interesting…We have lots in common and he seems really nice.  I know we will get along at lunch today….but he isnt Volcano.  6’3″ of french somoan lust and passion…with a topping of pathos.   I walked down to the beach after our lunch and saw this blowfish dead on the shore.  Someone said it had been there a couple days caught on a twig or something.   I could have pushed it out into the water but I didnt.  I left it to its fate and took the feeling of death with me.

 

Old

Old old old old old….too old to feel so sexy.  Still getting off and thinking it is healthy but no one to share it all with.  I dont like that and yet I do like the peace and freedom.

I could be a witch or a sorceress.  I like magic.  Reality seems intense enough as it is tho.  Im almost done.  I still like to flirt and vamp.   My mother did that sort of thing until she was ninety six.  She died with her make up on and all dressed up.  I think I will fade….quietly….with the memory of all the kisses Ive had on my lips.